A
lady bought a new Lexus. It cost a bundle. Two days later, she
brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working.
"Madam",
said the sales manager, "the audio system in
this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell
it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"
She
drives out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked
at the radio and said "Nelson."
The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?"
Soon,
she was speeding down the highway to the sounds of 'On the road again'.
The lady was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what
she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.
Suddenly,
at a traffic light, hers turned green and she pulled out. Off to her
right, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a small sports utility
vehicle speeding toward her. She swerved and narrowly missed
a terrible collision. "Asshole",
she muttered. And, from the radio........"Ladies
and gentlemen, the President of the United States..."
Hillary
Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of
St. Peter
at the Pearly Gates she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
She
asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands
on your clock will move."
"Oh,"
said Hillary, "who's clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands
have never moved indicating that
she never told a lie."
"Who's
clock is that?"
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The
hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in
his entire life."
"Where's
Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.
"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using
it as a ceiling fan."
